J's first love

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Well, J's first love, after Mommy, Daddy, and Milk, of course…

During the parent-teacher conference at J's daycare, Ms. R told us the cutest story about J and his object-of-affection, M.

Of all the girls in his class, M is the only one that allows J to come near her. He loves to gently stroke her beautiful blond hair. They give each other hugs and kisses. He knows which is her cubby. He takes her fleece jacket out everyday to lie on it. When she leaves, he screams, "MmmmmmmMMMmmm" and is very upset. I have to admit, I'm a bit jealous!

This weekend, we met a little girl who also had blonde hair. He kept following substitute-M around. When he finally got close enough, he reached and put his chubby arms around her for a hug. She immediately put out her arms to block him and made a P-U face -- first rejection. It's ok. J bounced back.

*Sigh* Our little guy is growing up so fast!

When did your son/daughter start showing affection for a non-family member?

First time with non-family babysitter

Last time my husband considered hiring a babysitter, my reaction was basically what?! you craazy. It was Valentine's Day. J was 8 months old. Luckily, my sister and BIL (brother-in-law) stepped up to the plate and stayed home with sleeping J while we went out for dinner.

Fast forward 10 months and my husband has an evening company partaaay tonight at some fancy smanshy country club that requires men wear jackets after 6pm. Not that we couldn't bring J, but he probably wouldn't have that much schmoozing with industry folk.

I wasn't looking forward to finding and interviewing lots of candidates on sites such as Care.com and SitterCity.com. Luckily for us, the PTO at J's daycare sent out a list of teachers that are available for babysitting! I guess we could have approached J's teacher ourselves, but we were afraid we'd be stepping on the school's toes or whatever.

Soooo....tonight we are leaving J with his first non-family babysitter. 

So, I hope he eats dinner, and plays nicely, and can fall asleep without either one of us being the one to get him to bed....I'm sure he'll be fine since he knows this teacher -- she's right next door and apparently he loves to play with her hair and sit in her lap when it's time to read a book. Aw!

Hope everyone -- me, my husband, and J -- will have fun tonight!

It's better to be super than to be perfect

When I was young (not that I'm old now, right?), I dreamt of being the perfect girlfriend. I would put on makeup, dress pretty, act demure, send my BF sweet notes and gifts, and show him what a perfect wife I could be.

Pfff!

When I was less young and engaged, I dreamt of being the perfect wife. I would put on makeup, dress pretty, act demure, send my husband sweet notes and gifts, cook, clean and show him what a perfect mother I could be.

Pfff!

When I was even less young and married, I dreamt of being the perfect mother. I would put on makeup, dress pretty, act demure, send my husband and kids sweet notes and gifts, cook, clean and show them what a cool person I could be.

Pfff!

Some people are either (1) really strangely perfect...or (2) hiding/faking it real well. Bravo to them.

Then there are those that poke fun at themselves, like Ilana Rosengarten, hilarious author of Mommy Shorts (no, they are not the shorts version of mommy jeans like my sister thought). Here's part of her list of  Supermom skills. Guess I could be Supermom but not Perfectmom ;).

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I love #241 because it's so true. Kids do love goldfish crackers!
#243 made me crackup because it's like wrestling an alligator, slippery too when he's all covered in Aquaphor, into anything -- PJs, shoes, socks, etc.
#247 my husband and I have been known to catch spoons, bowls, cups, and food in mid-air
#248 hilarious -- I always smell it before my husband does

What are Supermom or Superdad skills?

Cost of kids

According to Parenting.com, J will cost us $29,400 in the first year and $724,000 up the time he graduates college (assuming he goes to private university). Here's their breakdown:

• Housing: $202,600, not including the mortgage
• Food: $150,000
• Transportation: $52,000
• Clothing: $28,000
• Healthcare: $46,000
• Childcare & Education: $48,000 (we're well on our way with this one
• Miscellaneous: $60,000
• Higher education: $138,600, this estimate goes down to $73,000 if he attends a public university

When someone breaks it down like that, it seems daunting.

But imagine if you could put a monetary value on first smiles, first words, first hugs, first kisses, first steps, first giggles, and all the subsequent ones to follow in 18 years, I'd bet we'd come out on top!

Remembering to enjoy parenthood, 
Lisa

Halloween 2011

J was born in the Year of the Tiger (2010) but we didn't get him a costume last year because we were moving, things were hectic, and we didn't think he'd notice.





So this year, to redeem ourselves, we got a tiger costume from Zulily.com, a site with (relatively) discounted baby/kid items. We ordered it in 24-months size, but boy, it looked long. See how it compares with a onesie that fits J perfectly.




Boy were we surprised when we put it on J and it fit pretty good.

Check J out during the daycare's parade. That look on his face is his signature!

Head banging

When J turned 1, he started occasionally banging his head against things. Apparently, 20% of babies and toddlers do this -- boys more likely than girls. BabyCenter says they do it for several reasons -- self comfort, pain relief (ironic, isn't it?), frustration, need for attention, or it can be an indication of a developmental problem.

We think J does it for self-comfort and also out of frustration. Surprisingly, he does it for one more reason -- EXCITEMENT! Whenever I arrive at daycare to pick J up, he:

1.  Smiles widely at me
2. Bangs his head on the nearest surface
3. Smiles widely at me  
 

The teachers find it hilarious! Don't worry, we make sure he never hurts himself.

What weird, yet totally normal, things does your child do?

What your teacher said about you

Dear J,

The teachers said you did great on your first day at daycare. You especially enjoyed your lunch, which you ate with both hands. You refused when the teacher tried to help you and even got upset . You made them and me laugh!

You napped well, even though it was your first time on a cot.

You enjoyed going outside to the playground and playing with the balls. You liked playing with the rattling bottles and Legos inside.

The teachers said you liked to cuddle with them - aw! You are so sweet. I'm so glad you are warming up to them. They are really nice!

At the end of the day, I came to take you home. You saw me and let out a cry - why did you leave me? But I picked you up, you smiled, and were happy to go home.

When we got home, you immediately went to your own toys - I haven't seen these ALL DAY! You ate dinner nicely. We took a stroll with Daddy and the dogs.

After your bath and bottle of milk, you looked so content sleeping in your own crib - ah, so comfortable! You had a long, exciting day. You slept very well.

Love, Mom & Dad

Career-mom vs. SAHM* vs. everything in between

*SAHM = stay at home mom

Career-mom vs. SAHM: My husband and I have had this conversation many times before and during my pregnancy with J. Would he support the family? Would we be comfortable on only one income? Back in Philly, we knew several families where the wife was a SAHM. A whole bunch of them have advanced degrees, so I'd be in good company.

Before J was born, I kinda already agreed to do a 1-year post-doc. So in some sense, I was going to be a career-mom, whether or not I really wanted to be a SAHM. I guess I could have decided during this post-doc that I wanted to be a SAHM, but that didn't happen.

My personality is more suited to being a career-mom. I need the clear distinction between work and home. I like my work. I feel more secure in a two-income home. Of course I miss J, but I know that he'll be in capable hands (more on selecting childcare in my next post).

Maybe in the future I'd consider being a SAHM, but I'd have to take this advice from an issue of Parents magazine: try to live on one income for six months. You'll do two things: (1) prove to yourselves that you can do it, and (2) have a six month emergency fund already set up!. Here are a few tips from Parents.com to live on one income.

Here are blog posts from a career-mom, SAHM, and work-from-home mom. Even one on SAHD (stay at home dad). The language may not be appropriate for all audiences.

Your first day at daycare

Dear J,

This past weekend, we started preparing for your first day at daycare by giving you only one nap a day. You did great! There are other changes that you'll also have to get used to - napping on a cot, eating with utensils, no more bottles, and wearing shoes all day.

Last night we labeled your food bowls, spoons, and straw cups. We labeled your lunch box and tote bag. We labeled the bottom of your shoes.

There are other things we will be prepared for too - that you'll take your first steps at daycare. That you'll say your first words (other than mama and dada) at daycare. That'll you'll get sick at daycare (oi!). 

But the experience is good for you. You're making new friends! You're learning new things! Enjoy all of it!

Love, Mom & Dad

Cost of childcare

I recently had a conversation with a mom raising her kids in Canada. She said that her daughter's daycare is $7 a day...$7 a day! I'd be lucky to find a childcare provider for $7 an hour. And even if I found that deal, I'd be highly suspicious and most likely wouldn't put J in that provider's hands. Crazy huh?

Babysitter

Recently I asked A what he would like to do for Valentine's Day. He replied that since J goes to bed around the same time nowadays and pretty much sleeps until at least 1:30 am, we should get a babysitter and go out to dinner.

My immediate reaction was "BABYSITTER?! ARE YOU CRAZY?!".

Just the thought of leaving J with a total stranger, even though J's sleeping and the babysitter probably wouldn't have to do anything, makes me nervous. The word "babysitter" brings to mind an immature, irresponsible teenager whose only experience with an infant is helping her mom take care of her baby brother and even then was only interested in the fun parts. I know this is wrong for many reasons: (1 ) not all teenagers are immature or irresponsible. I'm sure there are many capable of caring for an infant, and (2) not all babysitters are teenagers. I haven't done the research, but I'm sure there are adults looking to make a few extra dollars. They just probably charge more than your neighborhood teenager.

I know I'll have to eventually entrust Jacob to a babysitter because A and I can't not have a date night until J's a teenager and can be home alone. So what to do about Valentine's Day this year since I'm not ready to find a sitter?