Tantrums

J throws some relatively minor tantrums, compared to the little girl in the video below anyways.


As I posted before, J used to throw food on the floor whenever he was bored/frustrated/done. Eventually, we worked through it, and it hasn't been a problem anymore.

These days, J's tantrums usually involve wanting to be outside playing just a bit longer than Mommy or Daddy want. It all started when J started feeling more confident on his feet. As soon as he got out of the car when we got home, he wanted to take a walk, whereas I wanted to go home. Tantrum! It usually involved J slumping down and taking a seat on the sidewalk.

Well, the tantrum started evolving, and now starts even earlier. Because of J's love for walking and being outdoors, we take the "long" way around the school to get to the car. As soon as I pick him up to put him in the car seat though, he turns into a rigid-stick-of-a-boy and won't let me put him in his car seat.

The first time it happened, I strong-armed him into it. He cried for about 2 blocks.

The next evening, I let him play around in the car for a minute. Then I strong-armed him into the car seat. He cried for about a block. This repeated itself for a few days.

Today, after listening to the Anatomy of a Tantrum on NPR, I held a stick-straight J at the car seat until he calmed down. He didn't seem to want to, so I let him stand in the car and closed the door (and watched through the window). He had some fun playing with the air vents but, not a minute later, he was trying to climb into the car seat while saying, "Up! Up!" No tears on the way home. Whew!

Of course I try to hedge the tantrum by explaining/warning him that we're headed to the car to go home and that he needs to sit in the car seat. But I don't think he's able to really understand that at 16 months. So:

• I gotta let J express his anger/frustration/sadness through these tantrums.
• After he reaches the peak, which is screaming, tears, and boogers, he calms down and is ready to climb into the car seat.
• It only takes a few minutes to run this cycle!

A point that the scientists made that really stuck was that don't try to intervene during the "anger" stage of the tantrum, such as when the little girl is rolling around on the floor in the video. Don't ask questions, don't provide suggestions, don't get angry, etc. Since that level of intense emotion can't be sustained for long, the tantrum will reach a peak, such as when the little girl in the video slams the chair, and "anger" will turn to "sadness", for which the child will seek comfort, i.e., you. Tantrums may seem like they last forever, but the little girl in the video went from screaming to wimpering in less than a minute. 

I hope tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that, J's after-daycare pickup will be smoother and we can go right from the school to the car with few tears. 

What's the tantrum-trigger in your house?